I remember sleeping all day, only waking up during the wee hours of the morning to surf the web in the dark and eat a meal. I literally ate a meal a day. It wasn't an eating disorder, I was just not hungry, unable to crave any food. It was a crippling period of my life where depression ruled every aspect of my life. I would sometimes just lay in bed wondering if anyone would miss me if I died, sometimes suicide would seep into my thoughts. I didn't go to class, I didn't hang out with my friends, I didn't do anything. If I decided to go out with my friends, I found myself wishing to be at home and not posing for pictures where I could barely hold a smile. I didn't talk to my roommates or called home often. I blamed myself for all of my problems as if that would solve them. All my thoughts were toxic.
I still find myself feeling depressed some days when everything around me just seems so useless, my life's work worthless, and my future bleak. I use to not know what to do when depression followed my around but I have slowly began to learn how to function and be optimistic. I go for walks, eat my favorite foods, watch my favorite movies, and call my parents. They're really simple acts of self-love but saved me on days when I couldn't bring myself to love me.
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